Friday, January 1, 2010

Shit My Kids Said in 2009

Good mom that I am, I kept a detailed list of the silliest stuff that came out of my kids' mouths this year. Each is a stand alone quote or conversation...

Eli, watching volcano videos on youtube: "Sarah, can you find me a video of a toddler walking next to an erupting volcano?"

Micah: "I just want to be naked and watch movies."

Micah: "What if I ate a tornado... then would I explode?"

Eli: "Does clobbering someone mean the same thing as kicking someone's ass?"

Micah: "Oh shit that's good pie!" Eli: "Don't say that Micah; uncle Josh says only grown-ups are allowed to say shit." Micah: "David, are you a grown-up?" David: "Shit yeah!"

Eli: "No, I'm not dressed up as batman. I'm dressed up as buzz lightyear dressed up as batman."

Micah, explaining why he and Eli were hiding beneath a blanket, screaming bloody murder: "It's just a robot... but he's got a HUGE lance!"

Eli, watching a video of a robot attacking a tank with a sword: "Hey Sarah, look-- the robot is pruning that tank!"

Eli: "I don't need a kleenex; my shirt is so great for just wiping the boogers right up."

Micah, when asked why he was running in circles, pickle in hand: "I'm doing the pickle party dance to get away from the walking trees!"

Eli, defending the plight of the misunderstood: "People think that zombies are bad cuz they eat people's brains. But they're not! Brains are just what they need to eat!"

Micah, pointing to a capital letter Q: "What letter is that?" Me: "It's a Q." Micah: "No, it's an uppercase Q!"

Eli: "Do you think I'm old enough butcher a turkey?" David: "Hmmm..." Eli: "How about a chicken-- I'm certainly old enough for that!"

Eli: "Sarah, I love you infinity times two. Two whole forevers!"

Micah: "I spy with my little eye something that's a hot dog!"

Eli, to Micah: "I'm gonna kick your ASS." Micah, in response: "No! I don't have an ass!"

Micah, studying the forest from our living room window: "Why do we always see deer and not hippos?"

Eli, muttering to himself, during some elaborate pie baking imaginary play: "Gee, that's funny-- my frog pie has eyes!" and to Micah a few minutes later "Would you like a bite of my frog pie's butt?"

Micah: "I want a chocolate pony!"

Eli, after listening to me sing some annoying children's song that I had stuck in my head: "You know, you can't just keep singing that song forever, cuz eventually you're gonna die."

Micah, explaining why he climbed into the tub and turned on the tap while fully clothed: "I have a huge poop and need-a-get it cleaned up."

Eli, to David: "If you could live forever, would you just keep making pies forever and ever?"

Micah: "Hi David, how are you?" David: "I'm okay." Micah: "No you're not. You're *good*."

David, to Micah: "Love you." Micah: "No you love coffee."

Micah: "Let's play I spy. I'll go first. I spy with my li'l eye something that is pink. I'll give you a hint. It's on the robot butterfly!"

Eli: "I chewed the giant mean robot's face off so that he couldn't grow new legs"

Micah, acting out a favorite scene from Toy Story 2, to David: "I AM YOUR FATHER!!!!"

Micah: "Eli why are you coming in this room?" Eli: "I'm here to EXPLODE YOU!"

Eli: "Mushrooms eat people when they die." David: "?" Eli: "They eat compost. Living things decompose when they die. People are alive."

I'll leave you with a recent conversation between Micah and I, prompted by the volcano obsession currently sweeping the RaancheroOoo...

Micah: "Sarah, is Mars da planet dat we're on?"
Me: "No."
Him: "Is earf da planet dat were on?"
Me: "Yes."
Him: "Oh! I like being on earf, cuz I like all the volcanoes on earf!"
Me: "Yeah..."
Him: "There're no volcanoes on Jupiter"
Me: "Nope."
Him: "And I wouldn't like being on Jupiter, cuz it's a gas planet and I would just fall right through!"

Happy New Year!

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